crap. i forgot to send my mom a card. you would think counting every day of october in an ink drawing i would remember the 23rd is her birthday…crap. happy birthday, mom! you are probably getting a homemade card!! of course, it was my mom who always told me homemade presents mean the most….
today is another ink blot test. i think the rest of the month will be so as well. maybe the rest of my life because they are so much fun to do. i found another ape & another goddamned unicorn ( i so don’t want to be the kind of artist who does unicorn pictures–no offense to artists who do unicorn pictures!! different strokes and all that )
i get impatient with waiting for ink to dry. and this is on a journal page, not paper intended for a lot of water–so there is smudges & musses. by the way–this is the last page of my journal!! i did go ahead and order 3 more journals from artists & craftsmen (they were a really good price & i keep worrying that life as we know it is going to come to a standstill & i will be trapped in the country with no art supplies…i don’t want to have to kill trees to make paper…crap, i forgot to make sure i was getting recycled paper…arrrgh!)
but, as i was saying, this is the last page of a journal i started on the 4th of november, 2014. i used it for my water color class. remember that? gertrude buttons? good times! so i have been piddling in this thing for almost 2 years. wow. i need to fill the new ones up a bit faster…unless life as we know it ends & i am forced to conserve paper….
this is my favorite part of the day. the finishing & posting the inking of the day. the seeing how it turned out. the writing this post in my head as i shade and ink.
crap…what was i going to say? damn minions demanding my attention. ahhh….
oh! yeah! so–have you ever been yelled at by your tarot cards? it is quite the experience, believe you me. i have a very shout-y deck of tarot cards. i have been avoiding them for ages because they always want me to be fixing things about myself. getting rid of dusty. taking my art seriously….
taking my art seriously. that is what they yelled at me about last night. yelling tarot cards looks something like getting a spread full of major arcana (cards about being on a higher plane & doing serious work) and then having them all be inverted (upside down.) for you non-tarot people. upside down is generally bad bad bad.
yes, i don’t take my art seriously. as i told a friend today, i always have this voice in my head saying, “that’s a really nice little picture there. too bad it’s not real art.”
so i have to take my art more seriously or suffer the wrath of my cranky tarot cards…any ideas? tips? where do i go? who do i bother?
i’m going to have to start googling stuff.
yesterday was sad. today is happy!
i feel like a weight is lifted. a spell cast has been removed. the sun has come out. sadly, i feel all this because dusty has gone away to wisconsin for a visit. i know. i know. i know. if his going away causes me happiness….
i feel mean that his being gone brings me such a sense of relief. but it does. like i’m not being judged every minute of the day. i’m not being brought down by negative energy. i get to be me, unfettered.
so this is my ink blot test for the day. come as you are. iggy found the duck. he & i both found the guitar. coincidentally, my co-inker for inktober also did a duck today…and a bunny yesterday. i swear i’m not copying!
i like this one. i really do. i like that splatters turn into music.
tomorrow, we are going to venture into the color blue. i already splattered some pages.
so the thing about me is, i am an empath. i feel things deeper and more intuitively that a large percent of the population.
i have always known this about myself, but i am just figuring out how to embrace it as a good thing and to not let it destroy me.
being an empath makes it difficult for me to be around a lot of people. i can sense their anger, their sadness, their different energies.
it makes it difficult for me to work in positions where i care for others because i give too much of myself–but also helps me to be a good caregiver, if i could learn how to not cross that line.
it makes it difficult for me to be in relationships because i cannot keep my feelings separate from those of the other person. i am trying to learn boundaries and ways to protect myself…but i have a long way to go.
it makes it difficult for me to be a mom sometimes–sometimes it helps. when many small bodies need me to care all at the same time & i am prone to forgetting to listen to my own needs….
i get overwhelmed. so easily. by all the energy from all the people around me.
the more “bad” things i see or hear, the deeper it seems to go. so the internet is a treacherous place for people like me. though i want to know about wrongs being done–so i can help–if i can help…it is draining.
this election is a goddamned nightmare for me. both major party candidates are bad people. i know this on an intuitive level and on an educated level. one seems much worse than the other. i feel like a vote for that one is a vote against people like me. however, i will not vote for the lesser of two evils, that would be giving up on hope. i wish that everyone would actually vote for better candidates (there are other candidates) and send these two to the hell they deserve….
but! i digress.
this is not a political blog.
i just wanted y’all to know why eye feel sad.
i’m off. out of whack. my zen is broken. i started one inking today at misha’s speech therapy appointment, and it somehow ended up with a puppy in it?? then this one has a unicorn? i dunno. i’m not feeling it today. i just kept adding more & more ink until i didn’t absolutely hate it.
my zen is off. i’m a mess.
i had two birthdays in a row. poppy & then fidgit. i managed to bake cakes for both of them…but i still felt like i was somehow phoning it in.
i think i am exhausted by my non-relationship with dusty. i have asked him to leave. i have asked him why he is even living here in the first place. he said, “you are totally discounting my relationship with the kids.” i told him he can have a relationship with the kids while living somewhere else. other divorced people don’t live together. i really think we should try that.
so he is squatting at my parents house. not paying rent. not paying anything. not working. sometimes helping with the kids. he thinks mowing the lawn & burning things has given him some sort of helper status….
okay, this has nothing to do with my art other than the fact that i am letting his energy sapping ways drain my creativity.
or, i am going to blame him for my sucky picture today.
but inktober continues, and i refuse to miss a day.
so here is my sucky picture.
it is another ink blot test. and i resisted & resisted & resisted and then finally gave in to the sheep that i could see being catapulted at the dragon.
i blame dusty.
i used green for my shading instead of grey/black. shades of green. i like it.
i have always been fascinated by the world turtles. the idea that we are just flying around on the back of a sea turtle. usually on top of four elephants as well, but i just wanted the sea turtles.
every day my posts seem to get later & later. i haven’t been getting enough sleep and think i am going through some personal growth or avoidance of said growth or flirting around/dancing with the idea of growing.
almost there. almost there….
despite trying to grow, i have gotten an inking done for every day of inktober. i think that is impressive. i have four kids that i am ignoring to get these done! that’s challenging.
sorry. i’m a bit tired. and my blog isn’t getting a lot of action so i might just be writing this for myself. but if you are still out there. enjoy my latest inking.
what? another fucking monkey? yes, i know they are actually apes…but as far as alliteration goes, “monkey” works better.
i’m pretty proud of this dodo.
this is another ink clean-up from a couple days ago that i looked for and found pictures inside of. i really like this one. i am thinking this might be my medium. the ink blot. a series? a book? an ink blot in every pot?
i would really like to find a way to support myself with my art. i know that is a high fah-lootin’ idea, but keep in mind that i do lead a pretty simple life. i don’t need much past a brush, a pen, and a pot of ink blots.
think it over.